Today is “Blogging for LGBT Families Day.” Wonderfully and graciously hosted by Dana, over at mombian. In considering what I’d blog about, on this day to make our families more known, to bring the intricacies, complexities, and beauty of the queer community of families out into the light, I figured, of course, that I’d write about my own family.
And hence the announcement. Long overdue announcement. We’re having a baby. My wife is pregnant. VERY pregnant, in fact. Due in just about a month’s time.
This expecting a baby has been quite interesting (long-awaited, and so very cherished) in the domains related to this blog. You see, we’re expecting a girl. And it’s just been so interesting, from this side of things where I stand, to think about that, to hear folks’ reactions, and to think about bringing a young girl into our family.
And for us, a family where gender identity, and, in particular, clothing, is contested territory, it’s been quite the ride. Contrary to what one might expect, I’ve found myself utterly fine with pink (as you can see in the drawers above — yes, those are our drawers). Had Q been a girl, I would have asked for no pink — no boxing in, no stereotyping, etc. But what I’ve learned from this journey with him is that clothing, in the beginning, is really not much more than utilitarian. Of course, people will assume a baby’s sex based on the clothes she wears, but beyond that, the clothing is not programming her. In spite of what we thought were our best efforts (and they were, at the time — no regrets), Q wore very “boy” clothes for his first few years. Then he let us know that wasn’t “his style.” (Alas, today, SO much is not his style — the particularities of my child!). So this new babe, she’ll wear pink. And blue. And orange. And white. And many other colors. That’s what we’ve been given by amazingly generous friends as we reap the benefit of hand-me-downs. And I’ll admit that some of those “girl clothes” are deliciously cute.
Where I think I’ve come over these 7 years of being a queer family of three so far is to a point of cherishing my son for who he is and wanting our family to be known for who we are — for the love we share, the individuals we are, the things we do for fun, the jokes we find funny. All of that, for me, transcends labels and binaries and boundaries. And I’m thrilled to bring another person into this world who will get to be a part of all of that — in whatever way she chooses to express it. And for today, I’m thrilled to share this celebration of ourselves with so many in this blogging community.
[…] Labels are for Jars Blogging for LGBT Families: A long-overdue announcement […]
Congratulations!
We are pretty aware about how we shop for our little girl. She loves a frilly pink dress as much as she loves the new “boy” orange and green shirt she is in today. I swore I would never let pink in our house, but lost that battle the day we told folks she was going to be a girl. It’s kind of grown on me. :o)
Congrats again – such great news for your growing family!
Congratulations to your wonderful family!
Congratulations! What a great day for the announcement.
Congratulations, what an exciting thing for you all.
Cheers to what a great big brother Q will be, because he has two great moms who love him no matter who he is he will know to love her no matter who she is.
I’m sure, like Q, she will look smashing in whatever color she sports!
Congratulations! Babies just want to be loved, which it seems you do, clothes are irrelevant.
Congratulations! What a lucky little girl to get to live in your family! And thanks for your thoughts about gender and baby clothes. My son is 17 months old and it sometimes feels hard that I get to make decisions about what kinds of clothes he wears, when he can’t make them for himself. But it’s helpful to remember that as soon as he can tell us his preferences, he will.
Congratulations! Very happy for you and your family!
Congratulations! O happy day! And what a lucky kid, to have Q as her older sibling! What an amazing journey you’ll all have.
Can’t wait to hear about Baby Sister’s safe arrival!
Congrats! 🙂 It might be more accurate to say you’re having a child that will be assigned female at birth, though. A bit early to say on the gender. 😉
True enough. I certainly know this child will end up choosing who she/ze will be in the future….who knows!
I popped in here and loved reading this. Congratulations on your new baby and your family sounds awesome!
So glad the pregnancy is going so well and the three of you are so enjoying the process of baby growth.
Before WW2 pink was the “boy” color due to the red in the color. Red for strength, power…. Blue which was identified as soft, mellow, sweet was the “girl” color.
During WW2 people wanted to be supportive of the young men going off to war. They started to dress their baby sons in the military colors… hence blue.
I find the NEED for most people (strangers) to ID a small babies gender so interesting… parents often really want the gender to be clear to others… interesting….
Q (& baby W) are SO fortunate to have such lovely mothers!
Whew! Finally made it to the present after two days of reading from the beginning!
I’m really happy for you and your family. This has been quite the journey, and I’m glad you all have come out on the good side of it all!
Congratulations!
so glad that you are raising all of these tough questions! We just started a gender neutral baby clothes company. Our overall all motto is “let babies be babies” since as we all know they will have plenty of time for gender programming out there in the world…
Sounds like you are really fighting the good fight!
Oh congratulations. I love love love babies. When my son’s head popped out of the birth canal, my ob took one look at him and said, “what a pretty girl.” I nearly kicked her in the face for not remembering we were expecting a boy. As a baby, many people asked . . . girl? And this 2 year old is all boy. He loves anything gross and trash trucks are “pretty” to him. My o mY.