Archive for October, 2008

I have an Obama pin on my bag. I love it when folks say to me, “Nice pin.” Because yes, it’s “nice,” but there’s nothing special about it. Really, in complimenting my pin, they are signaling to me that they support Obama too. That we’re on the same side. That we have this pretty big thing in common. It’s a coded linguistic twist.

Folks do that with regards to Q a lot. It’s a way to show that they support him or support me. I hear things like:

  • He looks so great in those (“girly”) shoes.
  • Q, that headband is so fabulously sparkly!
  • I used to love to read books about fairies when I was your age.
  • You can tell how great he feels in that outfit. It’s fabulous!
  • Oh, you’ll have to borrow one of my necklaces one day. I think you’ll love it!

They do it in other ways too, like sending me websites that are related to Q and his self-expression. Or pointing out other gender-bending folks in the world. Or his teachers overtly talking about stereotypes in his class, knowing that’s a really empowering thing for him.

What I like the most about this is that it’s encoded. Not that someone saying, “I think that Q and his free expression of himself outside of gendered stereotypes” isn’t welcome. It is. REALLY welcome. But I also love hearing folks’ support in the more encoded ways. Like saying, “I like your button.” It’s a great signal, and a great show of support and compassion. And a cool way of listening to folks’ words as well.

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Reasons like this….

Are why I sometimes just want to hide away in a bubble. To protect Q, our family, everyone.


Poor boy. Poor, poor boy.

Thanks to this lovely blog for the link.

In sadness…..

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I’ve been away from this blog for a bit. While I’ve cooked up a few different posts in my head, for some reason they haven’t come out of my fingers and onto the page. I do promise that they will.

In part, though, I think that I’ve stayed away because I’ve noticed some things that seem hard, in my eyes, for Q, and it gets me down. Now, not all of these things are hard in his eyes, but I see them and my mama instincts rear their head. Also, I’ve just had a lot of moments lately where I wish that I didn’t have to deal with a son wearing dresses, nail polish, etc. And I know that’s all about me and the struggle it is for me sometimes. It really isn’t a struggle for Q, and I’m constantly amazed by that. But he calls me to be bigger than myself so much, and sometimes lately, I just find myself shirking that calling a bit.

So, that’s kept me away.

In particular, I’ve been feeling a bit sad lately about Q and friendships at school. He has one super close fabulous friend. But, as I’ve watched kids make new connections this year and traipse off on playdates, I see it being a bit harder for him. He’s always gravitated towards girls. He identifies with them more, it seems. And plenty of girls like to play with him. But when the rubber hits the road, he’s still a boy, and I think that sets him outside the circle of play a bit. With boys, he also enters play and has lots of fun. But he remains outside the circle there sometimes as well, probably due to the skirts, headbands, etc. Now Q does not seem upset about this. It’s really about me. And though this blog is about my journey parenting Q, I’ve hesitated to write about this kind of stuff because it feels like it’s more just about me. And, dare I say, my “issues.” Ack!

But, in the spirit of honesty. And truly sharing the journey, there you have it. When I focus on my boy, keeping him happy, and nurturing his growth and future happiness, all is really right with the world. And ultimately that’s the most important thing.

Looking out at the world

Looking out at the world

A quick PS: Thanks to my lovely friend T for giving me the boot I really needed to actually get back on here and write. I mean it.

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