Losing and moving forward

Today brought with it the news of the defeat of marriage equality in Maine. I’m saddened, angered, frustrated by this loss. But I won’t explore the details of those sentiments here.

What’s most pertinent about this moment in history, as well as the anniversary of last year’s similar moment with Prop 8, is the message that it sends to our children. Of course there’s the message it sends to everyone — that it’s okay to vote on the rights of a group of people. But to our children who sit somewhat outside the norm, be it in the domain of gender expression, orientation, whatever it is — I think now is a particularly important time to watch out for their little hearts.

At the same moment that my son joins my indignation about the marriage loss in Maine, I wonder what messages he tucks away to explore at a later date: What rights of mine might be taken away later? What’s so wrong about being gay, anyway? Why do other people get to decide what’s right for me or for other people? Questions such as these, along with the other insidious messages that accompany the passage of laws that discriminate — these are the things that compel me to hug my boy a bit longer, to whisper extra messages into his ear, to remind him that he’s perfect just the way he is now, and will always be perfect, no matter how he chooses to be in the future.

So I take today’s loss as yet another reminder of the ways in which I need to be strong everyday for Q, help him to continue to be a proud person, to own and stand strong in his ever-changing identity.

Years ago, now....

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Blogging for LGBT Families: Elbowing at the Boundaries

June 1, Blogging for LGBT Families Day in the blogosphere. Swept up in the recent Prop 8 stir, I’ve not been feeling so hopeful and didn’t know what to write. So I figured, why not a good ole reflection on why it is that I write in the first place.

Truly, I write/blog for my son. This amazing boy. He’s soulful, playful, imaginative — really, his own person.

He’s also a purple-lover, a dress-wearer, and, in his own words, most proud to be “someone who breaks stereotypes.”

So I write for him for many reasons. But they are equally tied up in the fact that he’s growing up in a queer family. Not that that makes him who he is, but it shapes his day-to-day experiences.

There’s a deeper level to my commitment, though, to blogging for Q and blogging as a member of the LGBT community and a queer family. And it has to do with work that’s both for the community of humanity at large, but also the queer community. Because as embracing and wonderful and inclusive as this community is, there’s still room for growth. There’s room to elbow our boundaries and expand them a bit. My boy is at work on that, enrobed so often in pink, purple, and sparkles. He confounds even many queer folks that he encounters, and in so doing helps to make evident the ways that even within a community that fights for acceptance we can still take our own level of acceptance a step further.

It’s for that expansion, for the larger embracing of identity within our community, for young and old alike, that I really blog. Because I know that will make Q’s life, whatever path it should take, a whole lot more comfortable. And I know that the change and expansion of notions — around gender identity, youth identity, just basically what folks “should do” with their lives — will make life a whole lot better for a whole lot of folks. So that’s why I’m here. And I feel so thankful to be on this journey with so many others.

Thanks, once again, to Mombian for organizing this celebratory day.

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Light on the horizon

I think the future (or at least part of it), lies here:

Thanks to those who showed their courage and commitment today at the Meet in the Middle march to/in Fresno, CA. And to all who were there virtually. Might Cleve Jones be tiptoeing into a leadership role in the fight for queer rights? Wielding Harvey Milk’s bullhorn, it’s hard to think otherwise….

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With chagrin, I post this

Alas, I have to agree with this sad parody. Not that I don’t think Obama isn’t busy with very important issues. But somehow the queer community, the “queer issues,” are so often shuffled and reshuffled to the bottom of the pile. Again and again. I see it happening with Prop 8 and very much so with Don’t Ask Don’t Tell (which I believe Obama could at least suspend on his own WITHOUT an act of Congress). So I support this courageous president, but I think he needs to up the courage quotient and be courageous in some areas that involve stepping out on a proverbial political limb.

Thanks to LesbianDad for pointing me in the direction of this lovely milk carton.

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Epilogue: Prop 8

Trying to keep hope alive

I’m trying, but it’s a hard day in the domain of queer rights. I told Q this evening that the judges in CA decided to keep gay marriage illegal. The look of sadness and anger on his face was heartbreaking. Tears were close to the surface. This boy understands. Not only does he understand what the ruling means, but he understands the implications for queer couples and families, for families like his. He told us that anyone should be able to marry who they want. And he was emphatic. And ultimately, I think it’s that simple. But that simplicity is hidden under an ugly tangle of hate, misunderstanding, history, and injustice. And it’s untangling that mess that still needs to happen.

Yes, I want the mess untangled so that other queer folks can get married — tomorrow, next month, next year. But more importantly, I want it untangled so that Q and his peers, when they grow up, see a wide horizon of possibilities. So that they know they lived through change and that change brought with it rights and choices — to marry who they want, to live how they want, to have whatever identity they choose.

Q chooses what identity he steps into on a daily basis. And he makes empowered choices. Little stands in the way of those choices, it seems. And I want him to walk into a future where little stands in the way of anyone’s choices, particularly when it comes to love and partnership and committing one’s love to another.

Q's anti-Prop 8 sign

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The ridiculosity

Sometimes I wish that folks could see how ridiculous their objections are. Objections to gay marriage, because, you know, my marriage will make theirs less sacred.

Portia DiRossi recently made a “PSA” about the “ill effects” of gay marriage on folks who are against it. It’s hilarious. Completely hilarious. Have a look.

And let’s hope that some of those pro-prop 8 folks will see and hear how ridiculous their arguments are.

Hey, I can hope, right?

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Equality on the line…again

Hearing in CA supreme court today about the constitutionality of Proposition 8.

Here’s just a smattering of coverage of the day from the internets:

I’m humbled by everyone taking up this struggle in their own way, from arguing directly, to being in the streets, to blogging the events, to donating money, to sending psychic energy….really, I think it all makes a difference in this here global community. And I don’t think it can hurt that Ken Starr seemed to be, shall we say, not in top form….here’s hoping we don’t have to wait the full 90 days for a decision. And that it’s the right decision.

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