Dear President Obama

Today Obama signed a pitiful “concession” to the queer community, extending partial benefits to same-sex partners of government employees. It’s a pittance, and it was meant to lure our community back in after many an egregious slight.

The Family Equality Council is encouraging folks to speak out to the president, so I wrote a little note. Please do the same if you’re moved. In writing, I thought mainly about the message that my boy gets from these half-a##ed actions.

(and here’s where that lovely note would go, but I went and copied the link in my haste, thus losing my lovely note forever. Probably for the best. But do have a look at the site and speak out.)

Pride!

In bed, snuggling tonight, Q said to me, “Mom, I loved Pride today.” Having a boy who loves Pride, a boy who sees Pride as a regular part of his life…can’t ask for much more. And then the fact that we marched in the parade with HIS SCHOOL!?!?!?! Amazing pride-filled life here. More thoughts on Pride, school, etc to come, but for now, some images.

First ever precision umbrella turning group

It's serious work, umbrella turning, hat wearing, necklace bearing

The lovely packhorse wife! (must have water at all times)

whistle at the ready, resting.

Happy Pride, all!

Gender Funneling Part II

I love reading pieces where folks take on normative conceptions of gender roles. Or how society tries to force folks into prescribed molds, even if it means stuffing a round peg in a square hole.

A wonderful example, here, on Rachel Maddow and how the mainstream media deals with their discomfort around her butchiness. The author, Malina Lo, does a great job unpacking the general discomfort that folks have with accepting butch women/lesbians. They don’t fit the roles we imagine for women. And here we have Maddow — a butch, successful in the mainstream. A bit much for folks to wrap their heads around.

Mainly, it’s a great piece for really shining a light on this notion of gender funneling, of how blatantly folks struggle to reconcile their stereotypes and biases around gender expression. A nice read.

Blogging for LGBT Families: Elbowing at the Boundaries

June 1, Blogging for LGBT Families Day in the blogosphere. Swept up in the recent Prop 8 stir, I’ve not been feeling so hopeful and didn’t know what to write. So I figured, why not a good ole reflection on why it is that I write in the first place.

Truly, I write/blog for my son. This amazing boy. He’s soulful, playful, imaginative — really, his own person.

He’s also a purple-lover, a dress-wearer, and, in his own words, most proud to be “someone who breaks stereotypes.”

So I write for him for many reasons. But they are equally tied up in the fact that he’s growing up in a queer family. Not that that makes him who he is, but it shapes his day-to-day experiences.

There’s a deeper level to my commitment, though, to blogging for Q and blogging as a member of the LGBT community and a queer family. And it has to do with work that’s both for the community of humanity at large, but also the queer community. Because as embracing and wonderful and inclusive as this community is, there’s still room for growth. There’s room to elbow our boundaries and expand them a bit. My boy is at work on that, enrobed so often in pink, purple, and sparkles. He confounds even many queer folks that he encounters, and in so doing helps to make evident the ways that even within a community that fights for acceptance we can still take our own level of acceptance a step further.

It’s for that expansion, for the larger embracing of identity within our community, for young and old alike, that I really blog. Because I know that will make Q’s life, whatever path it should take, a whole lot more comfortable. And I know that the change and expansion of notions — around gender identity, youth identity, just basically what folks “should do” with their lives — will make life a whole lot better for a whole lot of folks. So that’s why I’m here. And I feel so thankful to be on this journey with so many others.

Thanks, once again, to Mombian for organizing this celebratory day.

Light on the horizon

I think the future (or at least part of it), lies here:

Thanks to those who showed their courage and commitment today at the Meet in the Middle march to/in Fresno, CA. And to all who were there virtually. Might Cleve Jones be tiptoeing into a leadership role in the fight for queer rights? Wielding Harvey Milk’s bullhorn, it’s hard to think otherwise….

With chagrin, I post this

Alas, I have to agree with this sad parody. Not that I don’t think Obama isn’t busy with very important issues. But somehow the queer community, the “queer issues,” are so often shuffled and reshuffled to the bottom of the pile. Again and again. I see it happening with Prop 8 and very much so with Don’t Ask Don’t Tell (which I believe Obama could at least suspend on his own WITHOUT an act of Congress). So I support this courageous president, but I think he needs to up the courage quotient and be courageous in some areas that involve stepping out on a proverbial political limb.

Thanks to LesbianDad for pointing me in the direction of this lovely milk carton.

Epilogue: Prop 8

Trying to keep hope alive

I’m trying, but it’s a hard day in the domain of queer rights. I told Q this evening that the judges in CA decided to keep gay marriage illegal. The look of sadness and anger on his face was heartbreaking. Tears were close to the surface. This boy understands. Not only does he understand what the ruling means, but he understands the implications for queer couples and families, for families like his. He told us that anyone should be able to marry who they want. And he was emphatic. And ultimately, I think it’s that simple. But that simplicity is hidden under an ugly tangle of hate, misunderstanding, history, and injustice. And it’s untangling that mess that still needs to happen.

Yes, I want the mess untangled so that other queer folks can get married — tomorrow, next month, next year. But more importantly, I want it untangled so that Q and his peers, when they grow up, see a wide horizon of possibilities. So that they know they lived through change and that change brought with it rights and choices — to marry who they want, to live how they want, to have whatever identity they choose.

Q chooses what identity he steps into on a daily basis. And he makes empowered choices. Little stands in the way of those choices, it seems. And I want him to walk into a future where little stands in the way of anyone’s choices, particularly when it comes to love and partnership and committing one’s love to another.

Q's anti-Prop 8 sign

Something cool about my kid

We were talking today about going clothes shopping.

Q: “Oh! I LOVE clothes shopping!”

Me: “Do you have something in mind that you’re looking for?”

Q (considers for a bit): “Well, a few more ties. Kids’ ties. (pause) And dresses and skirts.”

How cool is that? Ties and dresses and skirts. He’s definitely got a penchant for the fancy, that one.

For a glimpse of the currently beloved tie (always worn with velvet pants), have a look at this video. A bit grainy, but nevertheless….he’s in the back row. (And yes, this is a shameless opportunity to show my pride at his cello-ing).

First ever blog giveaway!

Thanks to these folks, I now have a large stash of the posters that I wrote about in my previous post.

So, I thought I’d do my first ever blog giveaway!

If you’d like a copy of this poster, leave a comment and I’ll enter you in the drawing. I’ll mail out five copies to folks (I’ll use a random number generator/my wife to choose the numbers corresponding with the comments). Feel free in your comment to say why the poster speaks to you, to share other such resources/blogs, etc.

Looking forward to hearing from folks!

Wow. ‘nuf said

***don’t worry, I went off and found the site and sent them some well-earned cash.