I came out during college. Since then, I’ve made decisions on an almost daily basis about coming out in various situations. At this point, and in the community I live in, I rarely give it a second thought, but I do give it thought, even if that’s just a split second. What will that parent think when she finds out I’m queer? What will my students think? There’s always a question. I often don’t even care what the answer is, it’s just that I wonder.
With Q, I find myself asking more questions and considering things for longer. I think, in part, it’s because there’s a choice sometimes. Right now, Q’s in an art class. On the first day, when he was certainly wearing either purple or pink, I was sure to introduce him using male pronouns. At pick up this week, his teacher kept referring to him as “her.” I didn’t correct her. And I considered it, numerous times. Q’s still okay without the correcting, which for me is the bottom line. But I still have so many questions:
What will she think when it finally sinks in that Q is a boy?
Will she treat him differently or think differently about him?
What will she think about me? (I know, self-centered. But true.)
Usually I walk away from these situations knowing that I’ve made the right choice regarding coming out about Q’s gender, even if it was just the right choice for that moment in time. Yet I realize that it really is a coming out process each time. And that one really does have to come out over and over and over. And it’s never just simple. Or easy.