I’ve been a stingy blogger lately. Very stingy. In fact, WordPress was kind enough to send me a little summary of stats about my blog at the turn of the year. Three. That’s exactly how many posts I wrote last year. Horrible, I say! I realized my stinginess, promised to write more (out loud, even, to a friend!), but then I didn’t.
I just am not sure what to say. I feel like we’re in a holding pattern and like I just don’t know what to feel or say lately. Q remains awesome. Dressing like a girl. Identifying as a boy. Continuing to confuse many people, but apparently not himself. At the same time, something isn’t right for him. He’s sad, often feeling a bit sick….just off. I’m worried. And most of all, sad that I don’t know how to help him see his way through whatever is happening at the moment. That he’s hurting in some way and I can’t just cuddle him and make it all better.
I know that’s part of growing up. For most kids. For many adults, even. But, as a mom, it’s just hard, and it makes my heart hurt.
So, I’ll try to be around a bit more. Though perhaps sharing…just confusion? We shall see.
I feel you – my tomboy daughter dresses in all boys-department clothes, doesn’t correct people when they call her a boy, is always 100% wrong about other tomboy girls (she swears up and down that they’re boys), yet identifies as a girl and has a huge crush on a boy.
Given the fact that our day-to-day is pretty mundane and seldom involves any angst, I write very very infrequently. And that’s okay. It’s more about me sorting through the contradictions as they arise.
Super long way to say that you’re not stingy or bad… You’re doing exactly what makes sense in your context.
I hope you get to the bottom of the health and/or emotional issue that’s causing your kiddo to droop a bit.
Thanks for these oh-so-kind words!
While I’ve missed having you around, it makes sense. I’m a super stingy poster, myself. It happens.
I hope you’re able to get to the bottom of whatever is ailing Q. I love how self assured he is. Oh, if I could just have a sliver of it! A testament to beautiful parenting you do! <3
Always excited about new posts from you. You were one of the first bloggers I began in the lesbian parenting/parenting gender creative kids blogospheres.
I too hope that you can figure out what is making Q sad. I know I was quite sad about a number of things just before puberty as things were changing and while I was excited about that, growing up is also hard. As you said, it could be a part of growing up. I know that cuddling might not seem like enough–but just knowing a mom is there for you is a pretty big deal, and very important!
You mention wondering what you can say or do and it made me wonder:
Have you talked to Q about gender-queer identities? Does he know that some people do not identify as a boy or a girl but in between or as both? I don’t remember if you have written about that before or not.
Perhaps his sadness is not gender related at all, or is about outside gender stuff and not internal identity, but if it is internal gender stuff, I just wonder what kind of language he has to talk about it or frameworks to understand it. (Perhaps I am getting too academic here…). Is this even something that you talk about? Or that he likes to talk about?
Finally, do you know about the website genderfork.com? It offers up a lot of examples of the ways that people can express their gender and identify. Not something to just show to Q, as it is for older folks, but maybe something to peruse yourself and then bring certain posts/pictures to him.
Oh, and one more thing, how is the littlest member of the family doing? She can’t be that little any more!
I’m Q is feeling a bit off balance. I read your last post, too, and was glad to hear his school is supportive.
I’m sorry, that should start.