It’s so easy to get away with making closed-minded statements about folks who don’t conform to gender norms. Or to sexuality norms. It remains so very easy. I don’t think that it’s the LAST acceptable stereotype or prejudice, but it remains an acceptable one.
This weekend I was part of a discussion on a different blog involving stereotypes of Native Americans. It’s amazing how many people failed to see the way that power and privilege play into how we think about, talk about, and portray Native People. Coming from the perspective of a white person, “playing Indian” propogates stereotypes, is probably based on stereotypes, and only belittles and demeans the multi-layered community of Native People. Yet it remains fine to have football teams named things like the Redskins. Or, still, for kids to play “cowboys and Indians.” Certainly, there are some who are uncomfortable with these things but don’t quite know how to voice that discomfort. I definitely understand that stance.
I think the same is true with gendered norms. There are plenty of folks who are uncomfortable with the blatantly pink and blue aisles at Toys ‘R Us. But they don’t know how to address that discomfort. Or they don’t know what to say when a relative describes a nephew as “all boy.” Or how to react when a friend titters at a transgender individual who might struggle to “pass” more than others.
But just because we’re uncomfortable doesn’t mean we need to suppress ourselves. Sure, we might stumble over our words. Or feel embarrassed. Or have to laugh at our own spoken missteps. But speaking out, even simply in the form of a question, calls into question the assumptions and stereotypes that we all walk around with. “What do you mean by that?” It’s a simple question. But one that can so easily begin to break down the strong walls that have been silently built up around us — walls that constrain how we express who we are, as men and women, boys and girls.
There's still a long road ahead...
Well written post. Thank you for your frank writing.
Hear hear!
Your post really hit home with me. Being the mom of a transgender child I am constantly reminded that everyone deserves respect. Everyone deserves an equal chance in life. When we put people into little boxes, be it by race or religion or gender, we lose sense of that whole person. And only by being whole can we give the world the best we have.
I’m your winter solstice swap partner on Ravelry, and I’m here to stalk you!
I love your blog, and I totally admire your social consciousness. I actually found your blog through a post on the IVP a long time ago, and have been checking in once in a while.
Hi,
I’d like to thank you for writing your blog. I’m am anthropology student, and one of my interests is gender identity (of course, inarchaeological burial contexts, but still relevant – often burials are marked as male or female without actually doing an osteological examination, but merely by looking at the artifacts with which they were buried. Clearly this fails in some contexts, like certain cultural groups in the Americas, where there are considered to be three genders – male, female, and shaman.) I’m also just interested in how people represent themselves in society – I have a few TG friends and despite being raised in an environment which, upon reflection, was mostly free from gender stereotypes (my brother and I both played with dolls and trucks), I am so incredibly female. Apparently this is not something most people worry about (“why am I cisgendered?”), but I think it’s just as important to question why one feels comfortable in their birth sex as when someone feels uncomfortable. (Perhaps it’s just because I’m an anthropologist and I over-examine everything.)
Anyway – thank you for your analyses. They’re very well-done, your love shows through, and they’re sort of helping me define my more-traditional place in the world.
(Also, your kid is absolutely adorable. He looks a lot like my brother when he was that age.)
Thought this article might be interesting for you:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/19/fashion/19ANDROGYNY.html?_r=1&emc=eta1
(about the current fashion trend of androgyny)
Right on sister! I don’t have kids, but I am passionate about protecting these kids and their right to be themselves. I came across your blog while gathering info for a post yet to come on my own blog – hope you can stop by sometime!