Gender markers, that is. I’m continually fascinated by how folks read gender markers on Q. For example, this weekend, he was wearing jeans and a turquoise shirt (not too “loud” turquoise). He declared it “a blue day” — nothing about gender, just really about style. We were walking around our liberal town and he was on his scooter. His helmet, by the way, is VERY boyish — sort of monstery, in fact (who knows HOW we ended up with that style…). We passed a 3 year old in a stroller who asked her parents, “Is that a boy or a girl?” First, so intriguing that that’s the question she asked. I know that young kiddos are all about organizing their world by what’s like them and what’s not, but still…fascinating. Her mom replied, “It’s a girl.” The only clear reason I can point to for the response was the tip of purple bandana peeking out below Q’s helmet. That’s it. Just a glimpse of that marker and for sure it’s a girl in there.
Fascinating.
So fascinating, in fact, that it really makes me want to know more about how people read faces, hair, etc, as I know we as humans are “supposed” to be able to discern sex/gender by faces alone. Not sure I agree with that premise at all.
Earlier this weekend, at cello class, Q had a substitute teacher who referred to him as “she.” I stuck by our agreement not to correct, but later, when explaining what solo Q was practicing, referred to him as he. Clearly, I’m his parent. In spite of this, the teacher kept referring to Q as “she” through the rest of the class. Q was wearing brown shorts and an orange shirt. And boyish sneakers (though they do have lots of silver on them!). His shorts have the slightest gather at the pockets, which I think is the clue that they come from the “girls’” side of the aisle. I think that the gender markers that the teacher picked up on, whatever they might be, were even stronger than my referring to my own kiddo as a boy.
Again, fascinating. Clearly, we are pulled to organize our world based on how we experience our world. And we experience so much through seeing. And what we see is filtered through our stereotypes, our prior experiences, etc. It’s so interesting how much is revealed when we hear folks talk about what they see through those lenses. Suddenly, the invisible filters in our minds become highly visible. And strong. So strong that they can withstand “correction” even by the parent of a child whose gender might be in question.
Of course we know what that pink schoolbag means...
Your story about the teacher reminds me of an older girl on my street growing up. She babysat for us a few times, and I could not get it in my head that she was a “she”, despite repeated corrections from my family. I can’t remember exactly what markers I was reading–I was only 5 or 6 at the time. Her hair was short, but I knew many other women with short hair. To this day I still remember her as a guy–and have it in my head that “Wendy” is a name that can go either way.
How very interesting. I occasionally get called sir by salespeople and the like. I assume it’s because of my very short hair and no makeup. But I wear a 34 DD bra and I always figure that and my hips should be the markers. Yet, I get mistaked.
Once I was on a plane sitting next to an old couple. I had no intention of coming out to them (being on a 1 hour flight and who really cares?) but they were very friendly. At one point the wife was asking if I was glad to be coming home (I had been at a funeral) and would my… boyfriend or girlfriend be picking me up. I’m not sure whether she couldn’t decide if I was a boy or girl or whether she actually was aware that I might be lesbian. Either way, the husband (who appeared to have had a stroke) began getting very agitated and began correcting her that I would have a girlfriend. Not a boy friend. Definitely not a boy friend. He was so intent that I assumed he was “sure” I was a man and therefore would have a girlfriend. I didn’t directly correct them on either but I did say girlfriend. It was a bit strange, actually.
I saw an interesting video clip recently about a study of young kids and gender markers. At first the kids were shown a male barbie doll, with short hair, male musculature and dressed a male. All the kids identified it as a boy. Then the researchers put the exact same male barbie in a skirt and all the kids were then positive that the barbie was a girl. Same results when the male barbie was sporting long hair. It is very very interesing.
Man is that fascinating. So the huge muscles and chest on those male barbies doesn’t make up for the clothes. Or the hair. Seems to point to how quick we are to judge and how we judge based on such superficial (literally, on the surface) markers. Wow.
Another crazy gender tags story: my partner and I took our 4-month-old son for a check-up at the pediatrician’s office. The health aide who weighed him and such kept saying “she”–even though we had to weigh him with his diaper off! The only reason we could come up with afterwards for why she had assumed he was a girl was that he had in a pink pacifier. So the pink pacifier was more of a gender signifier than his little penis!
Hi- I loved reading this. Although I am a woman, I have short hair and I’ve had a few people in passing say “Hello Sir!” and I just say hello. Who cares, right?
The Gender Spectrum conference I attended a couple months ago challenged me take off my gender blinders. Still it took a while to get out of my comfort zone and I have a transgender 6yr old. Until I got the hang of it I still found myself defining people by their gender (“Tell the gal thank you kids” or “Let the gentleman pass”) but it’s getting better.
It’s strange to think that such insignificant cues lead people to the most amazing conclusions! Best- Jen
One study found that faces with more contrast are read as female, while faces with less contrast are read as male.
“In the Illusion of Sex, two faces are perceived as male and female. However, both faces are actually versions of the same androgynous face. One face was created by increasing the contrast of the androgynous face, while the other face was created by decreasing the contrast. The face with more contrast is perceived as female, while the face with less contrast is perceived as male. The Illusion of Sex demonstrates that contrast is an important cue for perceiving the sex of a face, with greater contrast appearing feminine, and lesser contrast appearing masculine.”
Personally, I’ve found that other cues are enough to make people think I’m one gender or another — simply cutting my hair makes most people see me as male, even if I’m not binding my chest.
I’d say it depends on the viewer’s background, though, like you pointed out in the last paragraph. Many masculine women can see beyond my masculine presentation and assume I identify as a woman.
With kids, I think people tend to pay far more attention to cues, because children’s bodies are more androgynous. Maybe it’s easier for people to see Q as a girl, even if he’s wearing many masculine markers, because tomboys are socially accepted; feminine boys aren’t.
I just remembered one time when I went out with my parents. I already identified as a trans boy and had short hair, but I tried to wear feminine clothes when I was with them in public, so people would read me as a girl.
This time in particular, I was wearing a spaghetti tank top, and some people still thought I was male! One guy kept calling me “he”, even though my mom called me “she”, so eventually she said “she’s a girl”. The guy looked bewildered, and I think he didn’t believe her.
Hi there,
I ID as a GV adult. I have the physical signifiers of being female, hips and breasts. Even in a dress, wearing make-up, and heels, I still get called sir by strangers and children ask if I am a boy or a girl. I’m not always sure it’s clothing that makes the marker.
My partner is a broad shouldered, traditional football player body type; also GV. Nickname is Princess and people that barely know us, often use female pronouns. The femme touches in his clothing are not obvious and often are not there at all.
I often also wonder what exactly the markers are that people are catching onto. Is there something that’s just in our projection that says I am male and he is female?
Thanks,
Deana
This post makes me think of the many times that a stranger has come up to me, cooed over my daughter, and said something along the lines of “How old is he?” and I respond using the feminine pronoun. Inevitably, their response is along the lines, “Oh my God – I’m so sorry! yes, now that I look at her, I can TOTALLY see that she’s a girl.” Ummm….. she’s six months old. She’s bald. She’s a BABY, and you flat out can’t tell what sex babies are unless you see them naked. So why exactly are you (a) apologizing for thinking she’s a boy, and (b) now insisting that her sex is totally obvious? It’s not.
And apparently I use the phrase “along the lines of” far too often.
The color as a gender marker thing is also very strange, because it changes so much over time. According to the wikipedia article on the color pink:
“In Western culture, the practice of assigning pink to an individual gender began in the 1920s.[5] From then until the 1940s, pink was considered appropriate for boys because being related to red it was the more masculine and decided color, while blue was considered appropriate for girls because it was the more delicate and dainty color, or related to the Virgin Mary.[6][7][8] Since the 1940s, the societal norm apparently inverted so that pink became appropriate for girls and blue appropriate for boys, a practice that has continued into the 21st century.[9]”
It’s so arbitrary. I remember when I was 11, there was a girl in my classes named Miranda. I’d never heard the name Miranda before, and she had sort of a bowl cut that fell down around her ears, and wore the enormously baggy jeans that were popular with skater boys around that time. For a while I labored under the impression that she was a boy, and felt just terrible about it later. It’s the feeling terrible about it (12 years later I still feel bad) that I think is the most interesting part of the experience. It was like I felt that I had insulted her by not being able to tell. I think that is what I would like to change–you know, to not care if someone can’t judge my gender or I can’t judge someone else’s. I think if it was something we could chill about a little more we would be happier as a society.