Q has been in an interesting phase of playing with his identity lately. I love watching this develop, as I think it’s all about the development of 5 and 6 year olds, the ego, considering oneself in relation to others, etc.
Here’s how it’s played out: Q is now very conscious, when he’s choosing his clothing, about whether he’d like to be perceived as a boy or a girl that day. If he wants to dress as a girl, he will often choose a skirt, but most definitely a sparkly headband and other acoutrements. While much of his other clothing still has others perceive him as a girl (think string tank tops), he feels that he’s seen as a boy in the rest of his things. Most importantly, though, to him, he won’t mix and match. This is mainly in the area of accessories. Lately Q has wanted to grow his hair longer. We’ve been letting it grow a bit, but it’s quite shaggy right now. In our family, we wear thick, stretchy “yoga headbands” to keep unruly hair out of our faces. But Q will only wear those (and other headbands), if he’s dressing like a girl and wanting to be perceived as a girl.
I’m intrigued by this move to dressing in order to be perceived in a certain way. It’s moving a bit away/beyond/to a different space than just dressing because certain clothes strike Q’s fancy. I like hearing Q talk about these kinds of choices because in doing so, he really shows how much he has his finger on the pulse of gendered stereotypes and how he’ll be perceived in certain clothing. An astute boy, he is.
The yoga headband
The hat
I admire you for supporting you son.
I think stereotyping is wrong in many ways.
you son is very brave. he cares not what others think of him, but to be who is and be proud.
labels are, indeed, for jars.
lovely post on helping us to see the world through your son’s eyes and to rethink gender stereotypes!
My son won’t mix and match either. If he’s wearing ‘girl’ clothes, it has to me all girl – right down the socks and mittens. Forget navy blue socks – those are for boys. If he’s wearing a ‘boy’ outfit, which is rare, it must be all boy. He’s always been like that. He’s 4 now, but when he was much younger and didn’t quite have a grasp on gender, he classified his clothing into “cool” (boy) clothes, and “cute” clothes. It’s quite fascinating to see how his mind works.
Sometimes I wonder if part of the reason he chooses feminine clothing is because there are so many more options. Girl clothes are more fun and vivid – bright pinks and purples and shimmering silvers. Skirts and dresses flow and swing-out when you twirl around. They are just more fun to wear. Dresses are more comfortable cus there is no waistband. They are also much easier when you have to pee – just lift – no buttons and zippers
Girl clothes often are made out of softer fabric – velvet and brushed cotton. Boy clothes are often so stiff and drab.
Anyway… I’m just rambling out loud. I do find it very interesting though.
Speaking of perception–it’s really striking how, when I first saw those pictures, in the top one he looks like a girl, and in the one below that he looked like a boy. It’s funny how simple clothing changes can do that.